my decision to choose abundance

3.5 years ago, i was ready

i was fighting bouts of depression. i felt lost. & i was scared.

i didn't want to admit anything was wrong with me. i'd try to remain cool, but deep down i knew my body was giving off an energy that said...i was sad.

it's always been hard for me to admit. i like to be happy. that's just who i am. 

but the more i pushed, the more life pushed back. and the faller away from myself i felt.

but i'm learning. i'm recognizing the opportunity i have to grow

and i'm trying hard to come clean with myself about my fears that have so dominated my life. 

fears that have been built up inside me for years. fears that i want to release because they no longer serve me

fears of rejection, embarrassment, + failure.

i was lonely.

and it felt like i was living a lie. i was working 70-80 hour weeks in construction with little or no time for myself. no time to relax. no time to play. and no time to create.

i didn't have a personal life. my job turned into my life. how horrible?

i was always the one that would rather go on an adventure, have more play in my life than work more hours for the same pay.

and so i'd criticize myself? i'd get mad at my life. and it would affect my relationships. especially my relationship with myself.

there was always an inner battle going on inside my head. i couldn't escape it! it terrorized me.

i was insecure. and these thoughts quickly consumed me. 

and when i finally stepped back after talking with my mom on a walk one afternoon, i understood what i was unconsciously doing to myself wasn't healthy. 

in fact it left me feeling depleted, lost, and hopeless.

i saw myself faced with a decision. 

i could either continue living like i was or rediscover myself.

clearly i wanted out but to do that i needed to accept my life.

i needed to appreciate myself. i needed to feel grateful for all the lessons my life was teaching me. i needed to go within for guidance.

and by making this conscious decision with myself i turned onto the road of abundance.

i accepted any mistakes i made. i realized i don't need to be perfect. besides it's way too much work and hassle.

and when i let go of the need to be perfect, i freed my soul!

i felt alive for the first time in years! 

 
 enjoying my day in the mountains of vermont with my family

enjoying my day in the mountains of vermont with my family

 

it was incredible to feel this way. the joy, the passion, the love of life. everything seemed so beautiful. everything around me smiled back. my life filled with happiness.

i felt like me!

and that's when i started to create again. 

i felt connected.

the inspiration poured out of me. ideas flowed. opportunities started falling into my lap.

i love being me!

in the comments below I want to know-

have you ever had a fear of failure and overcome it? what exactly did you do?

what subconscious beliefs do you think may be getting in the way of your success and how can this process help you right now?

as always, thank you for reading and contributing. i’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say on this topic as it’s a really important one!

love