never grow up

remember when you were a kid and how innocent you were? how fun everything was?

i was thinking about this on my 55 mile commute to my "day job" this morning (I know I sound like my parents telling me how when they were in school they had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow barefoot). have you heard a similar tune?

i say "day job" loosely because I'm only doing it for the security it provides for me and my family. there are bills to pay & mouths to feed. but as I listen to myself defend why I'm driving to a job that doesn't ignite my passion, I realize something SO important.

these thoughts are not mine -

but why do i constantly think about them? why am i dragging myself to work everyday? for what reason? if i'm thinking about them doesn't that mean they are mine?

after much struggle and confusion, my mind going cray cray, i offer this hypothesis to my own inner question. when we grow up, we learn to believe certain things to be true. we hear things, we see things and we evaluate based on our experiences. we then make educated decisions based on those experiences.

but what if those beliefs are just thoughts that we have been conditioned to believe. what if we could change those thoughts immediately?

so i tell myself - i'm gonna challenge it.

i'm not going to listen to what others tell me to do if it doesn't feel good to me

to me, life is an opportunity.

& possibilities are everywhere.

and everything that happens, happens for a reason.

my journey, my path, my life is shaped by my experiences, not by what you say to me or tell me

so yes, there is probably some lesson behind all this that i need to learn before i can move forward

so i think some more, i have plenty of time in the car to do that, and i remember when i was a kid. heck i'm still a kid

i remember a time when all I ever thought about was play.

i never worried.

i remember how the sun feels when her rays kiss my face

 Photo courtesy of  Ayla

Photo courtesy of Ayla

and I think it's time to get back to that place. that place where i didn't worry. i didn't stress out.

i just enjoyed being -

being in every moment,

being present.

i need to get back to my roots.

i need to do what makes ME feel good and not worry what others have to say.

i need to laugh more.

i need to forget feeling the need to "grow up".

i need to be strong

i need to recognize that i am not here to just live day to day in the same job, doing the same thing for my entire life. i'm sorry but that's just plain boring!

so i ask myself this, what do i desire?

i love exploring nature. i love creating. i love sharing my expressions with you. i love connecting with the ones i love. i love seeing you smile. i love seeing you laugh. i love snow - wait what? sorry it's the first day of snow here and yay it brings back so many joyful memories.

 i snapped this quick photo from my office overlooking the meadow beyond the trees.

i snapped this quick photo from my office overlooking the meadow beyond the trees.

now here's my first chance to take back control, to feel like me again

thanks for listening