have you ever started something and never wanted it to end?
have you ever tried to make the most of something but struggled to find the joy in it?
would you like to be more, do more, make a difference?
questions about worth and competency stroll their idyllic heads in trying to make haste. trying to stir up emotion. it's okay. i accept whatever needs to be presented to me today.
others are pouncing on me. announcements becoming verdicts. what is right? what is good? you need to do this. why are you doing that? who are you anyway?
questions, questions, questions. will they ever let up!
there is an aching feeling. a feeling inside me that won't go away. no matter how hard i try to let go. it may be days, months or even years later, but it comes back. i used to berate myself constantly for feeling this shame. i didn't know how to cope with it. it's really a strange feeling. a feeling like you are useless. you are a nobody. like what you do does not matter. i would drink myself to sleep at night. i know i've shared this about me before. i know i repeat myself. but it's helping. i'm releasing some kind of self-imposed conditioning that says i cannot be doing what i love. but what is it that i love?
I feel this ache and let it air out. it needs to breathe.
tell the story of your life the way you see it. everything happens for a reason. don't you believe this? you talk about it all the time?
and why are you just now coming back to write? where have you been? what do you really think will come of this writing anyway?
freedom. love. abundance. joy.
i needed a break, okay. i had some things on my mind, and i was not in a place to share them. i had other things to do. wait, i don't need to defend myself any longer. ego you are getting dropped at the curb. your days are outnumbered. i've recognized your face and its time to let my own beauty shine.
its time to truly believe i can be me. without drugs. without alcohol. without any other addictive forces. forces trying to ease the pain of transition. forces pushing their way to make me do things i really don't want to do. i've done things to be nice. i've done things to be kind.
maybe its time to let go of caring so much.
struggle, perfectionism, doubt.
i guess those are the three things holding me back. its time to make a change. to let go and let the universe handle the details.
you are healthy, whole and complete. you are a divine being. you were sent here to inspire. stop trying so damn hard. just be yourself. people want to know the real you. not the you that is created out of fear of disapproval. what kind of way to live is that? trust yourself. love yourself.
who cares what others think!
listen to your heart. you already know what you need to do.