brave soul

offer yourself this gift this holiday season

i am in awe at the wonderful magnificence that awakens me each day. ok i need to come clean. i admit, i do have an alarm clark but that's not quite the magnificence i'm referring too. I'm talking about my soul's ability to awaken before the alarm clock each and every day, and at around the same time each day. my inner clock - no i am being told it isn't even a clock. maybe it is the soul or a spirit guide looking to offer me something that cannot be heard during the hustle of the day. 

there is a time for communication and there is a time for quiet meditation.

i am just like you.  

the thoughts still like to play with me. they enjoy coming in, dancing around, causing a rise out of me and then move on. i like that dance. i am the lead. and when i meditate i choose to allow thoughts and feelings to come and go without any attachment to them. i give no attachment to these thoughts and they fade away on their own. 

i close my eyes and look up into my minds eye. my third eye. i see the writing on a black board. or is it blue? is it the sky? letters coming across from right to left. sliding almost, 

blurry fields

as i try to focus in on the words, the fog envelopes me. 

let the magic of life dance for you. let the miracle of life become a daily appreciation. 

each day is a miracle. it is whether you choose to see it as such. i'm at a point in my life where i say why not? why continue to choose to see problems when i can choose possibilities.  

when i go to that place of possibility, anything is possible. anything can be turned to gold. anything i focus my attention on has the power to show up in my life today. i feel this - i know this (beautiful). it is a fact for me. there is no attachment to the outcome. there is no one else confirming this to me. there is me. my soul. and i know. i have that burning desire that heats up. it melts away the bonds to fear and lack mentality. 

i am forever expansive. i am free.

i am true. i express the truth. and that truth is beauty.

oh it feels so good communing with you. i hope you don't think I'm crazy?

its okay, I'm not caught up in that game of comparison. besides its nice to have this chance to talk with you.

i am love.

you are love. spread your wings and fly. soar above the trees. open your wings. 

the peace. the fulfillment. the joy.

so simple, yet so very empowering.

in this time when everyone around me is go go go and rush rush rush, i choose to go inward. i choose to look for a place where i can offer myself a gift. and that gift is silence.

it is the new medicine of the world. you'll hear about it soon.

within you is the capacity for healing. take time for yourself this holiday season.

the comparison trap

are you a competitor? do you strive to be better than others? to always come out on top? to make more money? 

how does that make you feel?

do you find yourself comparing who you are, what you do and what you have achieved to others? 

social media has created a trap and Facebook so geniusly (and creatively) enables this comparison. Facebook is a powerhouse for information. daily, daily there are 5 billion pieces of content uploaded.

people feel required to update their Facebook lives and keep up with others. it's so easy to scroll through the newsfeed, to see someone you knew years ago doing something today that you wished you were doing. it's so easy to compare. it's so easy to feel worthless. it's so easy to lose track of your own intentions. it's so easy to feel jealous.

you are not alone, i do it myself. i've fallen into the very same trap too (all too often over the past year). and it left me in a state of wanting. of wanting what other people seem to have. 

you can't come from a place of scarcity and expect to see what you want coming into you life. you can't come from a state of wanting more and more.

my mind likes to run (figuratively of course). and when freely open to the flow of abundance, i can direct the conditions I'm experiencing in my life.

stop allowing constant analysis. stop constantly comparing. suspend your egos need to constantly impose critical views.

nothing can stop your flow of abundance but your resistance to it. pay attention to your field of joy and joy will be what you experience.

you cannot be connected to your source and be stressed at the same time.

limit your exposure to social media and spend time doing what makes you feel good.

offer your soul a gift.

be brave. choose your own freedom and practice surrender.

slow down

slow down.

slow down.

derek listen to your breathing. your heart is pumping out of your chest. did you just run a race? why are you in such a craze? did something happen?

no i just woke up. i woke up wondering. i woke up inspired to write but uncertain where to begin. 

ok, let's get to a place where you can really enjoy the process of writing. we want to make it easy and fun for you.

take a moment (a beautiful moment) and close your eyes. soft and sweet. a kiss of life caresses your spirit. 

start to focus on your breathing

in and out,

in and out. 

breathe for a moment longer before continuing

do not go any further

are you still reading and not breathing?

why is it that the eye continues down the page without actively participating in this simple and important exercise? and why is the mind is still engaged in critical analysis?

my own mind wants more, it doesn't want to slow down. it doesn't want to take the time to pay attention. it is strictly focused on outcome. it wants achievements. it wants satisfaction from others. it wants, it wants, it wants. and it wants it NOW.

but what then?

slow down your breathing. reflect. listen.

a (great big) smile interrupts my pattern of breathing. i was just about to get silent too.

you are a creature of habit. you crave attention. you desire significance and importance from others. by doing more, you feel you are entitled to "their" approval. you even go so far as to rate how you feel based on your ability to do things. 

you could not be farther from the truth.

remember you are a human being. you are not a human doing. rejoice in your beingness. suspend your need to do anything in order to feel good.

happiness is not a result of more doing.

happiness is a choice. 

awaken the spirit within you

it worked. it worked. my spirit has come alive.

last night before i drifted off into blissful rest, i asked my spirit guides for guidance. and they are here with me right now. a soft beauty now surrounds my heart. a sensation of love. a feeling of togetherness. we are all one. 

waking up with the urge to write, to express, to share. i am doing it. its 5am and I'm writing again. YAY. so much joy right now, you don't even understand. 

for months now, i've been attempting to wake up and write. i want to share my story. i know when i share my story big things are happening. its an amazing journey that I'm proud to be a part of. there is a bigger part of me, something i am trying to explain through my words. when i write in the morning i am most connected to my universal source energy. there haven't been conditions throughout the day that have triggered emotions. i am at my most peaceful state. 

there is something about writing in the early morning for me. it is just me and spirit. words flow like water. gently caressing the page with ease and comfort. there is a peaceful ambiance to the air.

like water droplets hitting the roof and sliding down. life is a gift. appreciate every moment you have. appreciate and take it in. no need to be sour. no need to be someone you are not. 

release the baggage and pick up a handful of bewilderment. 

there are people out there telling me what to write. how to write. why to write. but in all reality. i write because i have an inner calling to write to connect to share my messages with you. i know you get it. and i know there are others who just want the facts, the meat, the pie. they can go get that but first, a blessing for myself. for awakening the spirit within me. thank you.

do you ever wonder why you are here? and what your purpose on earth really is?

you came here for a reason. you are reading my writing for a reason. we are all connected. we are connected to a universal power that is stronger than force. why would you be here otherwise? and if you are meant to be appreciating each moment, why choose to criticize and blame yourself. are you looking for help from someone outside you? are you looking for pity? 

now is your time to choose yourself. give yourself a break and live a little. you'll be amazed at all the possibilities that start happening in your life.

my genius has been asking to speak. out of my misunderstanding, i was taking the messages to be fatigue and boredom. but really, they were signs for me to move beyond the surface emotions.

your genius awaits you. your genius is here ready to connect with you. open up your minds eye and soul. breathe fully. breathe deeply. and love.

love the miracle of life that brought you here. love the miracle that connected us all. 

many of us have gone throughout our lives believing false evidence. we believe success needs to be hard to come by. we believe in order to succeed we need to work really really really hard for it. we need to pay the price of admission. and out of this force we expect unlimited abundance and happiness and prosperity.

the opposite actually happens. we see less and less of our families that at one point in our lives that was all we cared about. all we wanted was to be united with that special someone. all of our waking hours were consumed with dreams of who she is and what she was like. and how about that happiness card? have you really thought there is something you need to be, do or have before you can grant yourself the opportunity to be happy. to experience happiness is a birthright. and by all means, prosperity. what does prosperity mean to you? does it mean riches? does it mean gold? does it mean the fastest car? or is there more to prosperity than material wealth? 

the choice is yours. your time has come. will you answer your calling?

jumping back in

have you ever started something and never wanted it to end? 

have you ever tried to make the most of something but struggled to find the joy in it?

would you like to be more, do more, make a difference?

questions about worth and competency stroll their idyllic heads in trying to make haste. trying to stir up emotion. it's okay. i accept whatever needs to be presented to me today. 

others are pouncing on me. announcements becoming verdicts. what is right? what is good? you need to do this. why are you doing that? who are you anyway?

questions, questions, questions. will they ever let up! 

there is an aching feeling. a feeling inside me that won't go away. no matter how hard i try to let go. it may be days, months or even years later, but it comes back. i used to berate myself constantly for feeling this shame. i didn't know how to cope with it. it's really a strange feeling. a feeling like you are useless. you are a nobody. like what you do does not matter. i would drink myself to sleep at night. i know i've shared this about me before. i know i repeat myself. but it's helping. i'm releasing some kind of self-imposed conditioning that says i cannot be doing what i love. but what is it that i love? 

I feel this ache and let it air out. it needs to breathe.

tell the story of your life the way you see it. everything happens for a reason. don't you believe this? you talk about it all the time? 

and why are you just now coming back to write? where have you been? what do you really think will come of this writing anyway? 

freedom. love. abundance. joy. 

i needed a break, okay. i had some things on my mind, and i was not in a place to share them. i had other things to do. wait, i don't need to defend myself any longer. ego you are getting dropped at the curb. your days are outnumbered. i've recognized your face and its time to let my own beauty shine. 

its time to truly believe i can be me. without drugs. without alcohol. without any other addictive forces. forces trying to ease the pain of transition. forces pushing their way to make me do things i really don't want to do. i've done things to be nice. i've done things to be kind. 

maybe its time to let go of caring so much. 

struggle, perfectionism, doubt.

i guess those are the three things holding me back. its time to make a change. to let go and let the universe handle the details. 

you are healthy, whole and complete. you are a divine being. you were sent here to inspire. stop trying so damn hard. just be yourself. people want to know the real you. not the you that is created out of fear of disapproval. what kind of way to live is that? trust yourself. love yourself.

who cares what others think!

listen to your heart. you already know what you need to do. 

on becoming my own captain

i'm studying ways to grow, to improve my life, to be happy in every moment. i'm reading and applying the wisdom of the masters that came before me. our history is full of brave souls who have not feared the wrath of others. individuals who have dreams of bigger and brighter futures. they did not sit on the sidelines and let life happen to them. they went out there and played their own music - the music their souls were singing.

and i'm with them on this one! but how?

i make my way up the stairs after a full day at my 9-5. where does this energy come from to pursue my dreams? for so long now, i've used the excuse, I'm tired. and this excuse spirals into i've had a long day and all i want to do is just relax, eat some dinner, watch tv and go to bed.  

my soul - closer to me now, reminds me, it all begins with awareness. when you can admit that you are using an excuse to guide your life, you unlock the first door to your awakening. 

the moment you bring your awareness to this present moment, you see deeper than the outer layer. you discover what is really driving your soul.

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
— Invictus by William Ernest Henley

television has been a way for me in my past to hide from my true being. i could surrender to the television every night, with a drink in hand and wash away the miseries of the day. i couldn't stand this life support that lay victim to. it is so engrained in us to veg out in front of the television every night for hours at end - just to go to bed and do it again?!?!

i know i've been victim to this epidemic for a long time.

as i learn who i am and what works for me, i notice it is a place where i can shelter myself. i can protect myself. i can stay the same.

when i stare at the box, i watch other people interact and grow. it saves me from having to do the hard work myself. i put my life on a permanent cycle of defeat and boredom.

but why do it any longer? what is the true meaning of life?

if i were to die tomorrow, the last thing on my bucket list is to sit at home and watch television. i am all about becoming the best i can be. i love who i am.

yes there are times, when i criticize my body, i scold myself, i tell myself hateful things, but I'm going beyond those times. it is time for me to change. it is time for me to be me.

i have an entire bucket list - well in my head right now, maybe today i'll write it down. 

because what if tomorrow truly is my last day here on this earth. nobody knows for certain how long they are going to live. nobody knows when that day is. and nobody needs to know. but what i want to know is that i lived my life to the fullest each and every day doing what i love.

i am a genius and i apply my wisdom everyday. i use this affirmation every day the moment i wake up in the early morning hours. the magnificence that i know is me makes me smile.

my paintings are expressions of my soul. they are a time when i connect to my own inner magnificence and share that inspiration with you.

i have collectors from all over the world. i'm honored to be the artist they have chosen to create masterpieces. i put my heart, i put in my soul into every piece of work i produce. 

more and more collectors are coming to me from out of the woodwork. they offer me projects that align with my purpose. i love the synchronicity of life. i love asking for guidance. 

she answers me every time without fail, such a beautiful being of compassion. your patience has paid off. you no longer need to live in fear. you can let go of your insecurities. you are safe. you have all the money you need to live the life you dream. you are financially free.