happiness

slow down

slow down.

slow down.

derek listen to your breathing. your heart is pumping out of your chest. did you just run a race? why are you in such a craze? did something happen?

no i just woke up. i woke up wondering. i woke up inspired to write but uncertain where to begin. 

ok, let's get to a place where you can really enjoy the process of writing. we want to make it easy and fun for you.

take a moment (a beautiful moment) and close your eyes. soft and sweet. a kiss of life caresses your spirit. 

start to focus on your breathing

in and out,

in and out. 

breathe for a moment longer before continuing

do not go any further

are you still reading and not breathing?

why is it that the eye continues down the page without actively participating in this simple and important exercise? and why is the mind is still engaged in critical analysis?

my own mind wants more, it doesn't want to slow down. it doesn't want to take the time to pay attention. it is strictly focused on outcome. it wants achievements. it wants satisfaction from others. it wants, it wants, it wants. and it wants it NOW.

but what then?

slow down your breathing. reflect. listen.

a (great big) smile interrupts my pattern of breathing. i was just about to get silent too.

you are a creature of habit. you crave attention. you desire significance and importance from others. by doing more, you feel you are entitled to "their" approval. you even go so far as to rate how you feel based on your ability to do things. 

you could not be farther from the truth.

remember you are a human being. you are not a human doing. rejoice in your beingness. suspend your need to do anything in order to feel good.

happiness is not a result of more doing.

happiness is a choice. 

awaken the spirit within you

it worked. it worked. my spirit has come alive.

last night before i drifted off into blissful rest, i asked my spirit guides for guidance. and they are here with me right now. a soft beauty now surrounds my heart. a sensation of love. a feeling of togetherness. we are all one. 

waking up with the urge to write, to express, to share. i am doing it. its 5am and I'm writing again. YAY. so much joy right now, you don't even understand. 

for months now, i've been attempting to wake up and write. i want to share my story. i know when i share my story big things are happening. its an amazing journey that I'm proud to be a part of. there is a bigger part of me, something i am trying to explain through my words. when i write in the morning i am most connected to my universal source energy. there haven't been conditions throughout the day that have triggered emotions. i am at my most peaceful state. 

there is something about writing in the early morning for me. it is just me and spirit. words flow like water. gently caressing the page with ease and comfort. there is a peaceful ambiance to the air.

like water droplets hitting the roof and sliding down. life is a gift. appreciate every moment you have. appreciate and take it in. no need to be sour. no need to be someone you are not. 

release the baggage and pick up a handful of bewilderment. 

there are people out there telling me what to write. how to write. why to write. but in all reality. i write because i have an inner calling to write to connect to share my messages with you. i know you get it. and i know there are others who just want the facts, the meat, the pie. they can go get that but first, a blessing for myself. for awakening the spirit within me. thank you.

do you ever wonder why you are here? and what your purpose on earth really is?

you came here for a reason. you are reading my writing for a reason. we are all connected. we are connected to a universal power that is stronger than force. why would you be here otherwise? and if you are meant to be appreciating each moment, why choose to criticize and blame yourself. are you looking for help from someone outside you? are you looking for pity? 

now is your time to choose yourself. give yourself a break and live a little. you'll be amazed at all the possibilities that start happening in your life.

my genius has been asking to speak. out of my misunderstanding, i was taking the messages to be fatigue and boredom. but really, they were signs for me to move beyond the surface emotions.

your genius awaits you. your genius is here ready to connect with you. open up your minds eye and soul. breathe fully. breathe deeply. and love.

love the miracle of life that brought you here. love the miracle that connected us all. 

many of us have gone throughout our lives believing false evidence. we believe success needs to be hard to come by. we believe in order to succeed we need to work really really really hard for it. we need to pay the price of admission. and out of this force we expect unlimited abundance and happiness and prosperity.

the opposite actually happens. we see less and less of our families that at one point in our lives that was all we cared about. all we wanted was to be united with that special someone. all of our waking hours were consumed with dreams of who she is and what she was like. and how about that happiness card? have you really thought there is something you need to be, do or have before you can grant yourself the opportunity to be happy. to experience happiness is a birthright. and by all means, prosperity. what does prosperity mean to you? does it mean riches? does it mean gold? does it mean the fastest car? or is there more to prosperity than material wealth? 

the choice is yours. your time has come. will you answer your calling?

on expecting miracles

i'm not talking about tomorrow, not next week, not next year, not 5 years from now. today. this moment. be here now. this is your time. embrace it. open your heart.

this moment in life is yours. cherish it. 

stop worrying about what's going on outside of you, quit procrastinating about doing what you love, eliminate the thought pattern that waiting until tomorrow will make it all better. instead go inward right meow and experience what you are feeling. listen to your body, it has secrets to tell you. is it happiness? is it sadness? is it fear? is it confusion? is it boredom?

ask yourself why you are experiencing this sadness.

don't hide away from your feelings. accept them and know that you are exactly where you should be.

focus. i'm serious. focus on this moment, on this word, on this sentence. your mind may want to wander. your eyes may want to scan the page for something new, but i challenge you to focus. focus on yourself. choose to live fully. choose to live openly. choose to live now

because really when you think about it, you only have this moment once. soon it will be gone forever. there is no other time when you are able to embrace this moment but right now. 

i totally jumped in. screamed like a girl. and swam like crazy to get out. but it was so worth it

i totally jumped in. screamed like a girl. and swam like crazy to get out. but it was so worth it

this moment is exactly as it should be. exactly.

and it is a culmination of all the choices you have made in your life.

you created this moment whether you want to believe that or not. and you are meant to be right here right now. 

accept + love yourself. you deserve it. give yourself a big hug + smile. relax. let go. soon it too will pass.

my world has come together so magically. just the other day, i heard someone set the bar so low for themselves, you had to be careful not to trip over it. the man dug even further when he announced he doesn't believe in miracles.

are you kidding me?

life is all about miracles. expect them in your life now!

if you do not accept the idea that you deserve miracles, then when abundance falls into your lap, you will refuse it somehow, criticizing others about never having enough or being jealous when others have what you want.

do you choose to see miracles or where blinders?

i choose miracles.

because when i chose fear. my life, my body, my mind crumbled.

go within. be one with change. face your fear of the future.  

whatever you focus your attention on increases, so don't focus on barely scraping by. if you focus on lack and debt, then you will create more lack and debt in your life.

i look forward to discovering new doors in my life. i throw them wide open with excitement. & i find gold every time

a miracle awaits you today, will you see it? will you embrace it?

 

on releasing my attachment to discover my twin flame

every day i am presented with choices to make. my mind always wanting to please others, i know which direction he tries to steer me. he wants to win at all costs. he wants to be right no matter what the fallout. he needs that approval.

man this is deeply rooted inside me. 

i can feel my soul send shivers down my right arm, now my left. a chill encompasses my entire being. immediately i know what is important to me. 

love.

how can i express my love today?

love for myself, love for my twin flame, love for others, love for life.

i am a creature of habit but am breaking my ties. i no longer need to live the same way, everyday.

if something is not making me happy, i choose to get at the seed of that thought, remove it from my garden and plant a new seed.

i know i can. i have the tools the strength and the power to do so. i may need to weed my garden of my worries but when i do, my world answers me with bountiful blessings. 

a case in point.

just over a year ago, i asked the girl of my dreams to marry me. we hiked to the top of her favorite peak (alone in a blizzard) where i dropped to one knee and expressed my love, my commitment, my excitement to share the rest of my life with her. and the best part, she eventually said yes - yes eventually, that's a side story i'll share at some point.

Derek Russell proposes atop mountain to kara

the joy running through my body right meow fills me with peace. it fills me with pure happiness again. to think about that moment that happened just over a year ago, i am immediately a little boy again full of youthful expression.

but before i was with her, i was alone. i was alone for many years. i was lonely. i wanted her in my life. 

i dated many young and beautiful women. many only lasted a couple of dates. a couple were longer but eventually those relationships turned into better friendships. we knew we each had a different life we were meant to live. and so we moved on.

and it was hard. living years without anyone. by myself. i was attractive, funny, athletic, smart. where was she? and why haven't i found he yet, i agonized about it day after day.

i did something new to me. i called upon my angels to help me find her. 

my soul reminds me, when you can live and trust that what you desire is coming back to you, you will be surprised at how quickly you see what you desire appearing in your life. and it will come to you when you are ready. no earlier, no later.

i practice visualizing my life with my future wife. i see us smiling. laughing. playing. traveling the world. helping millions. i imagine the adventures we take together, the experiences we share, the love.

i grin from ear to ear this morning seeing the complete verification of this tool in my life.

as i released my inner need to have this girl in my life, the universe guided me into her arms.

when you committed to trusting yourself, when you let go of that incessant attachment, + when you really felt the emotions of being with her, you aligned yourself with your next level of awareness. you freed your mind from worry. your expression of gratitude in this moment brought you more to be grateful for.

be one with your creator.

be one with your spirit.

bringing this awareness into my mind this morning of what i created, i am at peace. i feel AMAZING! i can do whatever i intend. all i need to do i ask my angels for guidance, put the power of intention to work and trust the universe will handle all the details. 

I choose abundance for life.

on growing with my twin flame

i am going through a healing that i have been training for for a quite a long time. and i am finally ready. i am finally ready to heal. i am finally ready to grow.

this one goes out to my twin flame, my best friend, my adventure buddy, my lover, my wife, my little peach, my monkey.

i am so grateful to have you in my life.

you will not even begin to understand how long i have been searching for you. or maybe you will. maybe your soul has been searching for me.

but what i do know is, i was not willing to settle with anyone other than you. there is no woman, no girl, no lady more exquisite than you. no soul more magnificent than yours.

over every hill, across country lines, within each forest, and under every sea, i called for you. i sent out a beacon of love for you.

and i knew i had to find you before i could even think about moving onward on my journey, on our journey together.

we have traveled many lifetimes apart but the reuniting of our souls in this physical body is stronger than ever. our love sends rockets of radiance to all those around us. we are messengers of love, healers of light.

you are a gift in my life and there is no place i'd rather be than in your arms.

i belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart
— ho hey, the lumineers

i may not always say thank you. i may not always agree with you. but know the togetherness i feel with you is one of unbounded love. it is unbending. and it will never break.

our love is beautiful and bright.

i love you more than words could ever describe.

i am immensely thankful that we have connected, that we are sharing our lives becoming what our souls are intended to be - and we are doing it TOGETHER.

you are my rock.

thank you for shining love in my life. 

thank you for supporting me throughout this healing.

i am awakening to my inner intelligence and am releasing these hidden fears that i've buried deep within me.

my soul is awakening and communicating with me more and more.

before i met you i hid my anger and inner hatred. i smothered myself. i was a victim in my life. i was always looking for the approval of others. i needed it. i wasn't able to be me.

with you i realize i don't need to live that way anymore. i don't need to pretend any longer. i don't want to.

i am moving through this pain very quickly.

marrying you was the most joyful day of my life. it was a day when all my worries disappeared. all my fears were nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be felt, nowhere to be heard. it was a day of pure love, happiness, and freedom. it was our day. and what a day it was!

i thought for sure i was going to cry. but the sight of you strutting down that aisle to me on that most memorable day, our most glorious day this past october is forever engrained in my heart, in my mind and in my soul when our souls united to become one, all i could do was smile. it was happening. 

see what i mean, big smile. Photo by NH Images

see what i mean, big smile. Photo by NH Images

you beamed a brilliant white light of love of happiness of life waving at everyone and telling them how beautiful they looked, yet you were the only one i saw. you looked so elegant in your backless dress.

ow ow we look so fine. photo by nh images

ow ow we look so fine. photo by nh images

the silliness, the laughter, the life we share is a dream come true. it has been a dream of mine since i was a little boy.

i longed for you way before i ever knew you.

so i'd like to take this moment, right now, to ask you for your hand again

it's time to dance the night away

on breaking free from the shackles

what is it inside me that causes me to force my life? why do i feel i must have something a certain way in order to feel happy? why do i feel the need to always be right?

it's a constant nagging feeling when it comes to me. and i don't like it.

growing up a perfectionist, i thought being right was the only way. i thought being right would give me the life i want. i thought being right would give me the approval from others i so craved.

i thought, i thought, i thought.

and my thoughts that i continued to think over and over again became true for me. i was living a certain way based on the thoughts i knew.

for the longest time, i've been yearning for change. i've been wanting something different. so i did what i do best - i forced myself to run with blinders on. it was my way or no way.

but as i heal, i notice the questions i have been asking have been giving me the answers. i've been asking for guidance and ignoring the signals.

life has been answering ever since i started asking, i just haven't been paying attention. instead because i don't have what i want right now, i get mad. i get frustrated. i get filled with anger. it got to the point where i didn't care anymore. i did not feel. and i crumbled. my body started to fall apart. injury after injury plagued me. i'm still experiencing this pain in my left elbow and knee but am finally saying thank you, thank you for waking me up. thank you for sending me this awareness to grow.

i'm noticing more and more as i begin to heal.

and wouldn't you know, situations begin presenting themselves to me immediately. instantly engaged in conflict, my mind prepares to fight. the gloves are already on the floor. my mind racing, my intensity level rising.

i want to be right. why is it that the other person just doesn't get it? but my soul quietly guides me. i have a choice to make.

yes i could fight back and win. i could easily prove someone else wrong. but ultimately what am i looking for. what do i want in life?

would i rather be right and miserable the rest of my life or happy?

yes, i can succeed when i fight back but why work harder at doing something that doesn't come naturally to me. why push the emotions that nag at me aside?  why continue to get mad at myself? why let someone else's behavior, words, and actions control me? is that really the true sign of success? or is it just a false belief that because someone else is wrong that it automatically makes me right? and because it makes me right, does that make me successful?

no, that logic is all wrong.

let go, my soul communicates. free yourself from the shackles that have held you down for so long. go within and feel the point of power you have in being in each of your present moments. realize you hold the key to unlocking these shackles.

too often you fight and alienate yourself from others. you get into a frenzy that is not you. you feel someone else is to blame. you feel someone else has caused you to feel this way. you feel it must be them that you need to please before you can be free.

that couldn't be farther from the truth. when you experience the joy that is deep within you, when you let go, when you sit quietly, you will know you are the gate keeper of your freedom, of your laughter, of all your successes. 

but you must be willing and open to change. you must want to change. 

and when you are ready, opportunities come. they surround you. they dance with you. they laugh with you.

life gives you more of what you give life. when you offer unconditional love, love answers no matter what. so smile, laugh and giggle at the simplicity of that statement and explore your creativity as you are guided to do.

i wonder where my soul comes up with this stuff, but let go of that need to understand.

the choice is simple for me now, i choose happiness.

i am willing to change

waking up, it's 4am, and I'm super excited. weird, i know.

no not weird derek, just knew to you, my soul echoes through me. you are finally excited to be alive. it's been a long time since you have felt this way. you've been putting off experiencing your happiness for some future time when everything is going according to your plan. but you have made a huge step. you have shifted. you are excited about the day ahead. it's good to be excited. there are so many possibilities for you today especially when you come from a place of acceptance.

thank you, i silently offer back to my soul.

i've been asking for guidance more. guidance from within me. i've been asking for energy because i want to expand, i want to learn, i want to grow. and when i always feel tired, i am not giving myself the chance to change. but i'm open to hearing what my soul wants to share with me now. my soul is communicating directly with me.

and share with me she did. she gave me the power to start my mirror work - i just started the other day. i've known about this technique for years, but i've always laughed at the craziness of this approach. i told myself that's too easy it can't really work for me. probably because i was afraid of change. i was afraid that it would work. i was not ready for the transformation.

yet, something in me led me to the mirror the other night, and i looked deep into my big, blue eyes. i smiled for the first time in over a year when i looked at myself. bliss.

i said i love you, i am willing to change, i am willing to release all resistance. over and over and over i repeated these lines. each time with more and more excitement. my smile grew and grew until i couldn't stop smiling. by the end of my mirror work quote unquote session, i was beaming from ear to ear. i am ready to heal i told myself. thank you i offered to my soul.

i am willing to change.

i am willing to release all resistance now.

these are the affirmations i've been saying to myself for the past couple of days. not only saying to myself in my head but out loud in front of a mirror. when i look deeply into my eyes, i stare into a being, a soul that is so much more than my physical body.

for over a year, i've been abusing my body with hateful words and toxic substances. substances that are foreign to my body - a body that is meant to house love. i've wanted out of my physical body. i couldn't smile. i couldn't bear to see myself. i was hateful to my body.

i expressed hatred. i expressed anger. i expressed jealously.

i did this because i asked for it. everything was going so good for me. everything in my life was magically unfolding. yet i was still looking for the approval of others. i was anxiously awaiting their approval. yet their approval never came. and i caved. i shut down.

for a year, i've been saying bad things. i've experienced so much stored anger and frustration inside me. i needed to get it out of me. so i took it out on my body. i took it out on my mind. i took it out on my soul. hatred enveloped my being. 

i hit rock bottom. i'm afraid to explain all the details.

my soul comforts me, that will come when you accept who you are. each experience you have is part of your beautiful journey that you signed up for when you came into this physical body.

you are a genius. you came from a place of non-being where all was perfect. you were unconditional. you were love. somewhere along the way - as you got older, you slowly forgot the essence of who you are.

you are about to experience a powerful reawakening as you engage in the joyful creation of your life.

the thoughts you think in this moment become true for you. and you only you hold the power of your thoughts. no words, actions, or emotions from others can penetrate your bubble. stand with a force field of white light. vision it surrounding you. 

and suddenly, i felt that shift happen to me.

i belly laughed so hard last night, to a place where no sounds came out. i released all the hatred, jealously, frustration and fear. i freed the child within me!

my spirit is one of pure love. i have nothing but love for myself. approval of myself. acceptance of myself. to know that i have this unconditional love always within me, i smile. i am safe. all is well.

i am willing to change.

derek russell signature