joy

the comparison trap

are you a competitor? do you strive to be better than others? to always come out on top? to make more money? 

how does that make you feel?

do you find yourself comparing who you are, what you do and what you have achieved to others? 

social media has created a trap and Facebook so geniusly (and creatively) enables this comparison. Facebook is a powerhouse for information. daily, daily there are 5 billion pieces of content uploaded.

people feel required to update their Facebook lives and keep up with others. it's so easy to scroll through the newsfeed, to see someone you knew years ago doing something today that you wished you were doing. it's so easy to compare. it's so easy to feel worthless. it's so easy to lose track of your own intentions. it's so easy to feel jealous.

you are not alone, i do it myself. i've fallen into the very same trap too (all too often over the past year). and it left me in a state of wanting. of wanting what other people seem to have. 

you can't come from a place of scarcity and expect to see what you want coming into you life. you can't come from a state of wanting more and more.

my mind likes to run (figuratively of course). and when freely open to the flow of abundance, i can direct the conditions I'm experiencing in my life.

stop allowing constant analysis. stop constantly comparing. suspend your egos need to constantly impose critical views.

nothing can stop your flow of abundance but your resistance to it. pay attention to your field of joy and joy will be what you experience.

you cannot be connected to your source and be stressed at the same time.

limit your exposure to social media and spend time doing what makes you feel good.

offer your soul a gift.

be brave. choose your own freedom and practice surrender.

on growing with my twin flame

i am going through a healing that i have been training for for a quite a long time. and i am finally ready. i am finally ready to heal. i am finally ready to grow.

this one goes out to my twin flame, my best friend, my adventure buddy, my lover, my wife, my little peach, my monkey.

i am so grateful to have you in my life.

you will not even begin to understand how long i have been searching for you. or maybe you will. maybe your soul has been searching for me.

but what i do know is, i was not willing to settle with anyone other than you. there is no woman, no girl, no lady more exquisite than you. no soul more magnificent than yours.

over every hill, across country lines, within each forest, and under every sea, i called for you. i sent out a beacon of love for you.

and i knew i had to find you before i could even think about moving onward on my journey, on our journey together.

we have traveled many lifetimes apart but the reuniting of our souls in this physical body is stronger than ever. our love sends rockets of radiance to all those around us. we are messengers of love, healers of light.

you are a gift in my life and there is no place i'd rather be than in your arms.

i belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart
— ho hey, the lumineers

i may not always say thank you. i may not always agree with you. but know the togetherness i feel with you is one of unbounded love. it is unbending. and it will never break.

our love is beautiful and bright.

i love you more than words could ever describe.

i am immensely thankful that we have connected, that we are sharing our lives becoming what our souls are intended to be - and we are doing it TOGETHER.

you are my rock.

thank you for shining love in my life. 

thank you for supporting me throughout this healing.

i am awakening to my inner intelligence and am releasing these hidden fears that i've buried deep within me.

my soul is awakening and communicating with me more and more.

before i met you i hid my anger and inner hatred. i smothered myself. i was a victim in my life. i was always looking for the approval of others. i needed it. i wasn't able to be me.

with you i realize i don't need to live that way anymore. i don't need to pretend any longer. i don't want to.

i am moving through this pain very quickly.

marrying you was the most joyful day of my life. it was a day when all my worries disappeared. all my fears were nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be felt, nowhere to be heard. it was a day of pure love, happiness, and freedom. it was our day. and what a day it was!

i thought for sure i was going to cry. but the sight of you strutting down that aisle to me on that most memorable day, our most glorious day this past october is forever engrained in my heart, in my mind and in my soul when our souls united to become one, all i could do was smile. it was happening. 

see what i mean, big smile. Photo by NH Images

see what i mean, big smile. Photo by NH Images

you beamed a brilliant white light of love of happiness of life waving at everyone and telling them how beautiful they looked, yet you were the only one i saw. you looked so elegant in your backless dress.

ow ow we look so fine. photo by nh images

ow ow we look so fine. photo by nh images

the silliness, the laughter, the life we share is a dream come true. it has been a dream of mine since i was a little boy.

i longed for you way before i ever knew you.

so i'd like to take this moment, right now, to ask you for your hand again

it's time to dance the night away

Artist Reveals the Truth & Remembers Why He is Here

by Derek Russell

Artist Remembers Why He is Here

New Hampshire based Artist Derek Russell Reveals the Truth & Remembers Why He is Here

Have you ever felt completely alive?

Where time ceases to exist?

This happened to me today, and I'd like to share my experience with you as you may be in a similar negative state of mind as I have been in for years now.

Mentally, I feel trapped. I'm struggling to cope with life. I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I've been living a lie. What is my purpose? Why am I doing this day in and day out? Is this what life after college is supposed to be like? Why did I even bother? All I do is work. My day is simple to recap: wake up, rush to work, labor all day, drive in my box for over an hour to get home, eat something quickly while I drown my sorrows with a glass of jager and coke, and pass out. All to do it again the next day. This is not healthy. And this is not who I am.

My life is meant to be fulfilling, exciting, and adventurous. I am meant to be creating and playing and exploring.

And so, I made a commitment to myself. It was time to re-focus my attention to my long forgotten passion I had for art. In high school, I loved art. I selected to participate in all the art classes available. I shared experiences outside of school where I continued to learn more about painting from real life models. It was something that made me feel good inside.

However, like most creative individuals, I didn't pursue my passion. Instead because I excelled in math and science, I decided to attend engineering school. (I did have foresight into why, but more on that in another post - I'll link you there once I write it). I stopped cold turkey - my art that is. I gave it all up. I put it on the back burner for years! I dabbled here and there throughout college. I questioned myself during college but was challenged that I only wanted to change majors because I couldn't handle engineering.

I digress...let me get away from the poor me mentality

I picked up an acrylic set of paints I had stored away since high school and started to paint.

I was drawn to wildlife. The raw purity of animals - no rules, no technical limitations.

And so I painted.

And the feeling I had while I painted: PURE BLISS. No one telling me what to do, whether I was right or wrong. JUST ME. And I felt the urge to ignore all the training I had and the analytical thoughts that I developed in my studies. So I did. And it pushed me to challenge myself mentally and emotionally. And I am so grateful. This is an amazing feeling, and I'm going to be doing more of this.

I hope you enjoy. I know I sure learned a lot :)

~Derek