mindset

i'm coming out of hiding

so yesterday my wife showed me a video about buddha and it inspired me.

it got me to stop taking life so seriously - well i'm on my way, it might not be an overnight thing - especially when it comes to what other people are offering me if i don't want what they are offering. because when i don't take their anger, their frustration, their disappointment personally, it stays with them. it is their anger, their frustration, their disappointment. not mine

well i applied this principle today at my current full time job as a project engineer. i know i never say much about what i do outside of art. its because its a job, like most others - it pays the bills.

but what if i'm tired of doing something to just pay for the bills?

for the past 13 years, i've been researching and learning the secrets of some of the most successful people because i know there's a way. i know there are secrets they can offer. and that's inspiring too. super inspiring. in fact everyday for 2 hours a day i read and learn about how i can improve my life. i'm always looking to grow.

i guess sometimes i get too impatient. when i want things i want them now. not later. not tomorrow but now.

i know this may sound strange but i hear my calling. it is beckoning me

its time to listen again. its time to tune in. its time to believe.

 

on saying goodbye to my perfectionism

i imagine what it feels like to live in complete abundance, joy and love all day every day.

free from pain and suffering. free from the chains holding me back. free from the beliefs i have held onto for so many years. 

today, i meditate again - before the sun shines her bright light upon me. 

 
the beauty of life inspires me and my paintings reflect this magnificence

the beauty of life inspires me and my paintings reflect this magnificence

 

thoughts swarm in. coming from all directions. thoughts about work. thoughts about people. thoughts about email. thoughts about stress. 

i become aware of the frustration brewing inside me as these thoughts come and take over my quiet time. but i remember to be easy on myself. i asked for a lesson. i asked for guidance. and my teachers have answered.

just because i grew up a perfectionist and that is what i know, does not mean that is how i need to respond in this moment. i choose to silently and as calmly as i can release all thought. to not let the thought create an emotion inside me that i do not want to experience. i can choose the thoughts which control my emotions. 

i can let go. i can open up to my life. i can change in this moment. i no longer need to be restrained with guilt for not being right. 

it's okay for me to be me. it's okay for me to make mistakes.

i reach deep within my heart for guidance - deeper than i have ever gone before. emotions surface, quickly my heart starts racing, beating faster and faster, fearful to let go. afraid of the backlash that i assume will rear it's ugly head, i wallow in my fears. 

i push back, and my spirit answers...

yes, you were a perfectionist but this choice for perfection does not need to stay with you. it does not need to be you.

if you continue to demand perfection from others, you will continue to demand perfection from yourself, and you will be miserable the rest of your life. 

your loneliness will grow and spread giving you more of what you don't want.

instead of going down this path any longer, choose to accept what is that is here for you now in this moment. learn from your mistakes, learn from the blessings that unfold as you allow yourself to be. be not afraid. there are no rules or laws that state you must keep all of your childhood beliefs. 

now do not begin to hate yourself for feeling this way. do not criticize yourself for living with this emotion pain for so long. simply say thank you to your soul for helping you understand who you are. embrace the beauty that is within you and let all those other feelings melt away.

i know this is hard for you. and more emotions will surface as you begin this process. this is normal and to be expected.

coming back to, but i'm afraid of what others will think. I'm scared of what will happen if things are not perfect. it is this unknown that lurks deep behind the walls i've built so high.

soothing guidance is sent back to me, answering me. trust the process and adopt this new thought pattern, the past has no power over me because i am willing to learn and to change. i see the past as necessary to bring me to where i am today. i am willing to release my resistance to change. i accept who i am. i love and approve of myself. and i choose to have fun doing this. all is well.

what freedom i feel when i say these words. i repeat them over and over. and calmness lightens my being.

wow, i am filled with joy and love. thank you

now, i'd love to hear from you, does your past have any power over you? or if you've overcome your limiting beliefs, what worked for you?

remember, thousands of amazing souls come here for inspiration, strategies, and insight, and your words may be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now to inspire them to overcome their fears.  

thank you, as always for reading and sharing your experience and insights with all of us. you are in an inspiration in my life.

i am love 

Derek Rusell
 

P.S. if you know anyone who is struggling with their own limiting beliefs, please share my story. hearing my story could really, really help them. 

The Journey of an Artist

18 years ago, I decided to create the life I want. On my own terms. My way. And I knew the power was within me.

I was 12 at the time. 

And I hated how I looked. I was fat, or as some referred to me as "plump". But either way, I was not happy with the way I looked. I was ashamed of myself. I dreaded having to change in the locker room before and after hockey practice. I'd turn away hoping nobody would see me with my shirt off.

I was afraid. I was scared of what the other guys would say.

I was jealous of their slender bodies and boy, they always seemed to have so much energy.

It hurt me deep down. It hurt me to know this is what I've got. And that I'm stuck with it.

Why me? I saw no escape. No way to hide my belly. I wished for a different body.

I didn't want to be associated with it. I hated it.

Until that one day when I decided it was time to change. I decided I needed to love my body. I needed to love who I was. And I knew I had the power within me to create the body I desired. 

I adopted a new way of thinking - a new way to view food. I really took the time to notice what I was putting into my body and whether it would help me or hurt me. I began eating food with the intention to heal myself, to grow stronger, to grow lean muscle.

But this too wasn't easy.

Now everyone was criticizing what I was eating. Will they ever stop?

I ignored them - this was my life, not theirs.

I was committed. I had a vision. I saw myself with the body I loved.

And I completely changed my physical appearance.

I lost 28 pounds in 10.5 weeks. My energy skyrocketed and my joy revealed itself for the first time in years. 

From that moment on, I knew I could create anything I desired. Anything!

Over the last 4 years, I began sharing my artwork with you.

Art allows me to express myself. It gives me an outlet of freedom where I connect to my highest source of being. 

It is my expression of love. It is natural. It is not forced.

I create art to give you a chance to give your soul what it needs most. 

And thousands of you answered. And you answered with such love. 

So I invite you on my healing journey, one of self acceptance, self discovery, and manifestation. And this video captures this moment in my life. 

I'm releasing my need to be perfect and am accepting who I am in this moment. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. For years, I haven't wanted to share my story because I wanted to be accepted by all. And I was afraid if I didn't have everything perfect, I would not be putting my best foot forward. I would be showing you a side of me that I was ashamed of.

I know the quality of the video is poor, it's shaky - it wobbles all around. But I'm okay with that. For me, it's my way to continue to grow. 

I'm leaping into the unknown depths of my soul. I'm awakening that place where I am most vulnerable, that place where I do not have all the answers. It's so new to me. It's both exciting and scary. 

I'm been making excuses for years. So it's time for me to say goodbye to those old ways and to welcome in a whole new way of living. 

I know my art will reflect this shift.

I offer you love and inspiration as you look within yourself to find your strength.

There's power in recognizing this strength for yourself, so jump on into the comments below and leave as much detail as you can.

Your voice may be the inspiration and guidance that someone else needs to make that huge discovery.

As always, thank you so much for sharing your story. You inspire me

I AM,

Derek Russell
 

the ultimate question, why?

the other night i was curled up in a blanket with my wife, kara, chatting + sipping tea - sounds charming, i know. we don't have a tv so it's what we do. and yes, we actually enjoy this time together without the television.

anyways, i happened upon an article while surfing my news feed earlier that day and shared with her what the cheapest countries were to live in. i was shocked at how low the cost of living was in some countries. $70/month rent to live in a one bedroom apartment in nepal? and only $50/month for heat, electricity, water & trash? 

man, i could move there and live for an entire year for what it costs to rent here for one month! that's how they do it i exclaimed to her.

a sad expression formed on her face, I'm confused, i thought we were looking for a house?

and this was our opportunity to connect

we opened up about our feelings. what we wanted? what we needed? and then we let down our guards and voiced our fears. i confessed my fears of security and money. and how i wanted to make sure we lived the life we wanted but wasn't sure how to do it. and the fear of not having the time to experience everything i want to do. i put it all out there in the open - something i've been afraid to do in the past. it felt so good to bond with her. to really share my deepest fears & feel her support back for me. she poured her heart right back, and we shared a really special moment.

and we did something unexpected!

we exposed what i believe is the ultimate question, why? why do we do the things we do?

kara's eyes sparkled - i love when they do this by the way, "love is the answer"

i almost fell over when i heard her say those words, literally i was stunned.

no, not because i disagreed with her but more - i completely agreed with her!

i ran to get my computer.

i pointed at the screen, i wrote those exact words on my homepage earlier that day "love is the answer"

this is why i do what i do - love!

 
that's us on our honeymoon.  i love you kara

that's us on our honeymoon. i love you kara

 

i’d love to hear why you’re doing what you're doing. please leave me a comment below.

and as always, thank you in advance for sharing with such compassion and insight. so many souls come here each week for inspiration and support, and you never fail to deliver.

with love + excitement,

derek russell soulful sunday