there is a time for quiet

i feel alone. i like the quiet around me.

i enjoy that moment. a peace comes to me. outside voices interrupt my train. stop asking me questions. you've called me out. you've asked for me to quit helping. is that a call for help? are you craving more attention? 

i've been putting your train back on the tracks for years and to hear it come screeching to a halt. have you derailed. is that what you want? are you looking to get off? do you want something different?

i do not understand.

it's not my game. it's not my story. 

i like the silence. so i retreat to it for a moment longer. i crave connection. 

i don't want to look at you. i won't do it. i have that choice.

why the sudden reverse? why does someone else's comments about putting on the brakes stop you. your train can continue. your train is destined for greatness. 

be okay with going at different speeds. not all can keep up. 

accept it as it is and be gentle. be kind. 

and breathe. breathe in the beauty that has just reawakened in you.

let go of the struggle

it doesn't need to be hard. feel that emotion - yes that emotion so deep inside of you, right now. yes, feel it, own it. it is yours. 

yes, all mine. all mine. and tears form but hover on my eyes. no need to worry. no more use in crying. 

confusion rushes over my body. a sense of lack knocks at my door. it wants in. it desperately wants to have control. it desperately yearns for my fear to kick in. it wants me to feel I'm wrong.

but no, no, no i can resist that temptation. it isn't me. i do not need to change who i am to make someone else happy. i do not need to change who i am deep down at the root of who i am.

i am who i am. and all is well. all is well within me. 

all things that do not serve me will pass. as hard as it is, sometimes the best thing to do is to let it go. let it go and surrender to the universe. surrender to that presence within you. that power you know is there. connect to your soul. connect to the soul deep inside of you.

i am. 

it is me. finally freed. freed from my own imprisonment. freed from trying to impress another. freed from my entrapment. 

it is time to get back to my roots. to get back to me. me

yes more of me. that feels good. doing more of what feels good. feeling more of what feels good. 

others can go off and do what they want. they have another path. they do not need to follow your path. you may think you can help them but not all want help. you do not need to try to be nice anymore. you do not need to feel their pain anymore. it is their journey. you are on your journey. 

harsh words will be said. pressure will be placed upon you. but stay rooted. you are willing to change. you are willing to adapt to the times. you have built a strong foundation and can flow and bend with ease.

this external attack just taught you a lesson. this challenge was another opportunity to go within and trust yourself.

go do whatever you want to do. it does not affect me.

your words are whispers of love.

letting the voices come out

i couldn't sleep last night. my head was pounding. and it wouldn't quit! and then all i heard were voices. get up. write. this is your time. we are here with you. ok that's kinda freaky, but i'm totally down! i can feel this shift in my body

let go...let go of the fear within you! let it float away. it no longer serves you. you do not need it. you feel ease. an entire weight has been removed from your body.

this is the first time i am writing about these voices i'm hearing. i can sense the voices waking me up. my body says i'm tired but my heart says keep writing. why would i do this? what is it? something is getting released. my fear.

an engineer by training, i'm not satisfied with that path. i do not feel fulfilled. why waste an entire life living the "shoulds" and "supposed to" rules? who made these rules anyway? i'm sick of following everyone else's rules that only help them! listen to us. we will guide you.

let go of the fear and ego. their battle will never end until you let it

over the years i've become attached to this fear and ego driven banter that i now recognize echoing away in my mind. i'm scared of being wrong. i'm afraid of failure. i am pursuing my dreams. i am a creative! i am soulful! i am abundant!

the truth will set you free.



Artist Reveals the Truth & Remembers Why He is Here

by Derek Russell

Artist Remembers Why He is Here

New Hampshire based Artist Derek Russell Reveals the Truth & Remembers Why He is Here

Have you ever felt completely alive?

Where time ceases to exist?

This happened to me today, and I'd like to share my experience with you as you may be in a similar negative state of mind as I have been in for years now.

Mentally, I feel trapped. I'm struggling to cope with life. I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I've been living a lie. What is my purpose? Why am I doing this day in and day out? Is this what life after college is supposed to be like? Why did I even bother? All I do is work. My day is simple to recap: wake up, rush to work, labor all day, drive in my box for over an hour to get home, eat something quickly while I drown my sorrows with a glass of jager and coke, and pass out. All to do it again the next day. This is not healthy. And this is not who I am.

My life is meant to be fulfilling, exciting, and adventurous. I am meant to be creating and playing and exploring.

And so, I made a commitment to myself. It was time to re-focus my attention to my long forgotten passion I had for art. In high school, I loved art. I selected to participate in all the art classes available. I shared experiences outside of school where I continued to learn more about painting from real life models. It was something that made me feel good inside.

However, like most creative individuals, I didn't pursue my passion. Instead because I excelled in math and science, I decided to attend engineering school. (I did have foresight into why, but more on that in another post - I'll link you there once I write it). I stopped cold turkey - my art that is. I gave it all up. I put it on the back burner for years! I dabbled here and there throughout college. I questioned myself during college but was challenged that I only wanted to change majors because I couldn't handle engineering.

I digress...let me get away from the poor me mentality

I picked up an acrylic set of paints I had stored away since high school and started to paint.

I was drawn to wildlife. The raw purity of animals - no rules, no technical limitations.

And so I painted.

And the feeling I had while I painted: PURE BLISS. No one telling me what to do, whether I was right or wrong. JUST ME. And I felt the urge to ignore all the training I had and the analytical thoughts that I developed in my studies. So I did. And it pushed me to challenge myself mentally and emotionally. And I am so grateful. This is an amazing feeling, and I'm going to be doing more of this.

I hope you enjoy. I know I sure learned a lot :)