victim

on becoming my own captain

i'm studying ways to grow, to improve my life, to be happy in every moment. i'm reading and applying the wisdom of the masters that came before me. our history is full of brave souls who have not feared the wrath of others. individuals who have dreams of bigger and brighter futures. they did not sit on the sidelines and let life happen to them. they went out there and played their own music - the music their souls were singing.

and i'm with them on this one! but how?

i make my way up the stairs after a full day at my 9-5. where does this energy come from to pursue my dreams? for so long now, i've used the excuse, I'm tired. and this excuse spirals into i've had a long day and all i want to do is just relax, eat some dinner, watch tv and go to bed.  

my soul - closer to me now, reminds me, it all begins with awareness. when you can admit that you are using an excuse to guide your life, you unlock the first door to your awakening. 

the moment you bring your awareness to this present moment, you see deeper than the outer layer. you discover what is really driving your soul.

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
— Invictus by William Ernest Henley

television has been a way for me in my past to hide from my true being. i could surrender to the television every night, with a drink in hand and wash away the miseries of the day. i couldn't stand this life support that lay victim to. it is so engrained in us to veg out in front of the television every night for hours at end - just to go to bed and do it again?!?!

i know i've been victim to this epidemic for a long time.

as i learn who i am and what works for me, i notice it is a place where i can shelter myself. i can protect myself. i can stay the same.

when i stare at the box, i watch other people interact and grow. it saves me from having to do the hard work myself. i put my life on a permanent cycle of defeat and boredom.

but why do it any longer? what is the true meaning of life?

if i were to die tomorrow, the last thing on my bucket list is to sit at home and watch television. i am all about becoming the best i can be. i love who i am.

yes there are times, when i criticize my body, i scold myself, i tell myself hateful things, but I'm going beyond those times. it is time for me to change. it is time for me to be me.

i have an entire bucket list - well in my head right now, maybe today i'll write it down. 

because what if tomorrow truly is my last day here on this earth. nobody knows for certain how long they are going to live. nobody knows when that day is. and nobody needs to know. but what i want to know is that i lived my life to the fullest each and every day doing what i love.

i am a genius and i apply my wisdom everyday. i use this affirmation every day the moment i wake up in the early morning hours. the magnificence that i know is me makes me smile.

my paintings are expressions of my soul. they are a time when i connect to my own inner magnificence and share that inspiration with you.

i have collectors from all over the world. i'm honored to be the artist they have chosen to create masterpieces. i put my heart, i put in my soul into every piece of work i produce. 

more and more collectors are coming to me from out of the woodwork. they offer me projects that align with my purpose. i love the synchronicity of life. i love asking for guidance. 

she answers me every time without fail, such a beautiful being of compassion. your patience has paid off. you no longer need to live in fear. you can let go of your insecurities. you are safe. you have all the money you need to live the life you dream. you are financially free.