2 nights in a row my body wakes up at 12:45am. + i don't need to pee.
this time, i'm here to capture the essence of this moment.
why am i awake in this moment?
i sit quietly in meditation and wait for the answer
set your soul free
2 nights in a row my body wakes up at 12:45am. + i don't need to pee.
this time, i'm here to capture the essence of this moment.
why am i awake in this moment?
i sit quietly in meditation and wait for the answer
set your soul free
what a journey it has been. a year ago kara and i moved in together for the first time. we rented a small 800 sf pad on the bottom level of an old house. we played, got our taste buds satisfied, and experienced "city" living.
what a difference a year makes. so much can happen.
we manifested. we laughed. we dreamed.
and i'm so happy to announce that kara and i moved into our 1st home - our dream home - about 3 months ago. yea it was right around that time when we got dumped with over 3'-0 of snow. a huge thank you to all the amazing souls who helped make our move that day in january a success!
i've unpacked all my boxes. i've put away most of my belongings - we have lots of closets that come in extremely handy. coming from a small place with little room to breathe, to our humble abode, is a breath of fresh air.
the snow has finally all melted and we are settling right into the community.
what a journey.
we love, love, love it here. i pinch myself daily as i wake up in my dream home with a gorgeous view. sunrises are my fav here.
i hold so much gratitude for this space that we call home. it holds us, nurtures us, inspires us.
i'm strengthening my muscles. not just my physical muscles but my muscles to take risks, my muscles to make decisions, my muscles to learn.
for as long as i can remember, i've refused to be wrong. it just wasn't an option for me. i had to be right no matter what it was.
and it is this rigid refusal to never be wrong that launched me down a path i unconsciously chose for myself.
over the years, i've experienced physical pain in many ways.
just 2 years ago, a week before my sister's destination wedding, i was lifting an axel with tires over my head. i was outside on pavement. i was with a strongman competitor - imagine a really big guy and then triple that size.
i wanted his approval, so i pushed myself beyond my bodies physical limits. i blacked out and fell straight backwards to the ground. My head smashing the pavement.
coming to, i slowly remembered where i was. when i got to the emergency care facility, i cried. i cried because i couldn't focus. i cried because i couldn't read the forms. i slumped down in the chair. tears filled my eyes. fear crept over me. what have i done to myself. i didn't even want to be doing this workout. i was only doing it to fit it.
my immediate reaction was to get mad at myself.
i was given a second chance that day, and i vowed to never do that workout again.
and time would pass.
until i got injured again. this time a hamstring injury.
i couldn't deal with it. it ate at me. i buried myself in the pain.
next a knee injury.
more feeling sorry for myself. more guilt. more pain.
until i most recently have been experiencing an elbow injury.
my soul is channeled. you are being given gifts. can you see them?
how are you going to pick yourself up after you fail? how are you learning from each of your experiences? how you decide to live consciously from this moment on is what makes your present and future. decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself. decide to stop believing you only get attention when you are injured. these beliefs are part of your past. you do not need to carry them with you any longer..
too often you go with the flow because it is the easiest thing to do. you go with the current, with the masses. but what happens when the current picks up and you are presented with a fork in the river? do you have a game plan for where you want to be in your life or are you just flailing at this point? are you scrambling to get to the shore, hoping to dodge the rocks? or are you oblivious to the choice you had? are you aware of the decisions you are making in this moment?
i'm proud to be back on my ship. i've got my map out and i'm looking down the river. i'm open to the expected and unexpected routes to take me where i'm looking to go. no longer are my past conditions going to leave me stuck in the mud, unable to move. i'm taking absolute control over my life.
i am flexible and flowing.
i easily move with new experiences, new directions and new changes.
i'm out of paper. i typically handwrite all my morning freewrites. so this is a test. an internal test to teach my mind. i am releasing my mental patterns while writing directly onto the computer. i close my eyes and type. the energy will flow magically through me.
if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, i'll go downstairs and get more paper. right now, it's just too comfy and warm snuggling into this leather couch.
i am open for the expression.
with my eyes closed, i stop worrying about the grammar, the direction, the technical jargon associated with how i was taught to write. finally i don't need to worry about the words. it's more about the release of emotion for me now. i can go back later and edit it. that's if i can read it. but by not attaching myself to the physical body typing on the physical computer, i rise above my body. i enter into a state of what i like to call mindfulness. a place where i feel like i am out of my body. a place where i am present. a place that gives me a direct channel to communicate with my soul.
i am a medium. i love the experience of bringing my soul into the game. my soul has wisdom beyond my wildest imagination.
i choose to free this imagination. no longer am i to limit myself. no longer am i to live in rigidity.
i am flexible and flowing. i easily move in new directions, new experiences and new changes.
these are the new mental thought patterns i am applying.
it's time to channel, i hear, so i write it down. (wait, did i just hear the spirit? this is so cool. thank you. i offer a silent blessing)
what is it that you are trying to tell me this morning i ask?
you matter. you make a difference. you have a direct impact for millions of souls from around the world. your words, your actions, your paintings give others what they are looking for. you offer inspiration. you give hope. you share excitement.
life can be whatever you make it. sometimes you need to change the mental patterns that have brought you to where you are presently. are you happy with your life? your job? your health? your relationships? your contribution?
YES! absolutely! i love my life
a pivotal decision came to me about a month ago when i decided, again, that i was finally going to immerse myself in learning.
i love learning. i've loved it for the longest time, however i never liked the approach taught in schools. i hated to memorize. i hated to be forced to learn certain material in a certain way. and all so that a teacher could "test" you on your understanding of the material. heck it's only the material that someone else wanted you to know.
wouldn't it be great if you had the choice to learn what interested you?
i'm here to tell you, you do.
pick up that book you have been wanting to read. order that audio program you have been thinking about. you deserve it. you deserve to grow. it is your birthright.
i am committed to learning.
when i was younger, i had "friends" that would tease me about learning. and because i was not confident in myself at this time in my development, i listened to them.
i only learned what i needed to learn based on what the teachers wanted me to know. i learned for the sake of grades alone. not because i was interested in the material.
and that's an important consideration to make. what excites you?
now I'm learning because i want to. i have linked an incredible amount of pleasure to learning. and this creation of pleasure feels good to me. and guess what else it does for me? it make me want to learn even more.
when i was younger i dabbled into personal development, mindfulness, the metaphysical and alternative healing modalities. it intrigued me. it excited me. somewhere along the lines, i told myself i could never make anything of it, so i stopped learning what i wanted and only focused on what others wanted me to learn.
i am thankful for this opportunity right now. it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. it's time to stop worrying what others will think. it's time to do what feels right to me.
if i can understand human behavior, the emotions associated with that particular behavior and how to change that developed pattern, i could greatly change my life. i could create the life of my dreams. and this is what i did.
learning is giving me the ability to create the physical body i choose, to feel better, to experience happiness, to inspire and connect with the people i care about, to marry my twin flame, to live in my dream home + more.
learning is a gift i can share with you. and I'm committed to it.
i'm on a transformational journey. i love the emotions that are running through me as i write.
empowerment. excitement. joy. love
i am blessed to share my life with my wife.
and it all came back to applying the strategies around making a difference in peoples lives. there are tools and strategies that when applied correctly can massively affect positive change in your life. i am living, breathing testament to it.
excited! i'm beaming at the rims to share this with you. it's a new opportunity for me. a big one. i mean huge. wiggle wiggle wiggle.
my dancing pants are on, and i'm feeling the rhythm. the inspiration is flowing. the creativity building inside me. so much to express. so much to share.
i've got a gut feeling that makes me want to jump. jump with joy. i made this happen. i decided long ago what i intended. and consistently i am answered. my life is a joyous dance.
i've been selected from thousands of artists from around the world to be the portrait artist for a high profile gallery in washington dc, just steps away from the white house. right smack in the heart of the historic district of downtown georgetown. a high traffic, big business capital of the world. right on pennsylvania ave. adjacent to the four seasons washington, dc. a trip sounds in order.
everyone at the gallery i've talked too are so genuine and friendly. their words of praise of my work excite me to know we are joining forces. our relationship is off to a picture perfect start. they are amazing, truly amazing souls. it's fun to talk with them. every time we talk, we come up with new ideas for meaningful products to offer to their clientele. it's totally a win win for both of us. and that's the way it ought to be.
thank you! thank you! thank you!
i love when an idea becomes reality. and this seed was planted many, many years ago.
i listened to my intuition, and i'm so glad i did. it is all unfolding in perfect harmony with my life.
my vibrant portraits speak to millions. they are filled with messages to your soul.
each painting i create, is unique. each painting is infused with vibrational healing. it's part of my creative process.
i love the flow of abundance to me. when i released the lagging feeling, that confusion that sense of worry that seemed to permeate my entire being, i land this new position.
i'm cleaning out the closets of my mind. i'm giving space for the new in my life. new thoughts, new experiences. new directions. new changes.
i'm feeling good.
i'm currently working on 4+ large scale patriotic portraits for them. with many more to come.
the subjects are selected. the canvases are cut.
i've chosen 1/2" MDF board as the support. it is rigid. it is strong. I love the texture i create with this board. when applied in the right amount in the right fashion, it makes an bold statement.
i asked for guidance and guidance was given.
3:30am. it's early.
i turn the alarm off. i choose to lay in a state of gratitude. i flood my mind with all that i am grateful for.
my bed that gave me comfort throughout the night. these sheets that kept me warm.
the love vibrating from my wife as she peacefully sleeps beside me.
i move closer to cuddle, feeling her wrap her arms around me. i smile. there is nothing more that i like better than a soft embrace, especially in the early morning hours.
i'm thankful for my hearing as i listen to the birds singing their songs - spring is back
i'm drawn to open my eyes, sight - what a gift. thank you, thank you, thank you.
inspiration builds inside me. i feel these colors are speaking directly to me. the sky transforms into a majestic array of beauty. peach hues, strawberry highlights, lilac clouds contrast this lightness. the evening sky a thing of beauty. always changing. always alive. always new. so fresh. so amazing. thank you.
i continue on closing my eyes again. thank you for my dream home. thank you for my life. thank you for this day.
the more i learn, the more engaged i become. i love the expansion that is happening. i can feel myself healing.
taking it a step further, i challenge my mind to consistently repeat, i approve of myself. i started this exercise a few days ago. at first i was struck by the silliness of this. if felt stupid. it felt wrong. why did i need to tell myself that i approve of myself. of course i do. why do i need to say? my ego treading on thin water attempts to freeze the pond of my mind.
i walk in step to my inner intelligence as i choose to recite these powerful four words over and over in my head.
far too long, i neglected to take care of me. i'm done worrying about what i did or didn't do in my past. i'm doing it now.
an ease flows over me.
i release the need to get up, to go to my 9-5 (technically speaking i've got a 7-4) for the next 2.5 hours.
i relax in the presence that i am.
awake. aware. alive.
i trust the process of life. all is well.
i finally have a day.
a day i don't need to go to my 9-5.
a day i don't need to be somewhere else.
a day i can focus on me.
and i am all hyped up, because today, i am going to paint. i have it in me. i'm energized for it. i'm all excited to do it. i tell everyone that that's what i'm doing.
but i couldn't do it. frustration. anger. resentment. guilt
you are too hard on yourself my soul caresses me. the time will come and you will know when you feel it. for now, enjoy this peaceful day. rejoice in being alive. breathe in the freshness of the spring air.
let go of your inner conviction that you needed to paint today. let that feeling subside. let it go. there is something better for you today. it is coming to you. trust and forgive yourself.
now affirm, i flexible and flowing. i am supported by life.
art cannot be forced.
art needs to be a flow of prana.
and that's what makes your work so powerful. there is so much more to it than just paint, brushes and a canvas. your creations are communications with spirit. your paintings convey messages. you emit beauty, love, and freedom.
i am willing to release my fears. i am accepting the success that comes to me easily and quickly. i no longer need to live in guilt that others will be jealous of me when i am successful. that is something you created for yourself. no one imposed that belief on you.
i start a canvas this morning but am stopped before i can add any paint. the urge within me was a definite no!
what is this? and why is it so forceful? and aren't i meant to let art out?
you were attempting to recreate an image because that is what you have done in the past. it is time for you to graduate onward. your next journey is to the big canvas. i mean BIG canvas. life-size.
jump right into it. that is where your truest expressions are born.
break past your fears of not knowing what to paint. you know exactly what to do. you must go within, you must access the depths of your soul. inspiration comes when you are in spirit.
go for a walk, get outside, exercise, do yoga, meditate but do not force a creation that does not feel good to you.
maybe i'll read and write.
getting away from the canvas, i'm hungry. i indulge in a leftover meal of vegetable barley soup.
create from that deepest place within you. let the magic spontaneously erupt onto canvas. trust. believe. have faith.
i am here to guide you derek, you are safe, all is well. i interrupted your pattern of thought earlier today. i interrupted you because you have been wanting more guidance. here it is.
go bigger. go bolder. go from within.
your collectors come to you by the thousands. they want this channeled emotion. this bottled up energy inside you. it is alive with life energy. it energizes all who come into contact with it. it brings happiness and joy. it speaks volumes of the soul.
each of your paintings have meaning within them. they are more than just color. there is a message inside each and every one of them. paint that message.
this is what your collectors are looking for now.
energy is vibrational. it has a magical way of giving us information when we align to that energy field. too many times in my past, i'd ignore those signs. i'd only have my own worries at hand that i wanted to work on. i had my own mission. i was close minded. i was greedy. i was not seeing my fullest potential.
i didn't feel the need to help others. but i've shifted.
and life gave me an opportunity to begin.
becoming aware of my senses, especially the ones that allow me to feel energy, i noticed something was upsetting. it wasn't upsetting me, yet it was still present. it was there in the room with me.
that was my first speed bump.
the thoughts i think about become my reality. and far to often i would get confused about my thoughts and the feelings i'd sense. when i'd sense unsettling feelings, i'd change my thoughts to meet this new feeling. and all of a sudden, i'm now living someone else's reality, not my own.
so i question this belief. i question it because it doesn't make sense to me why i need to change who i am for someone else.
if someone else has a thought it is clear to me that that thought will become true for them. if our thoughts are different which they will be, our life experiences will be different. it is liberating for me to know i have the power to change my thoughts which affect my reality. and i do not need to change how i feel because of how someone else feels. they are allowed to live a different life.
but that vibration is still there. i could feel the energy. it was quiet. it was slow. it was tired.
i'm here to help. i'm here to heal. and i have the gifts that i can share that will help.
forgetting what i've always done in the past, which hasn't worked, i tried a new approach. i applied proven principles to counter that energy.
i asked, is everything okay? not getting to the root, i changed the question. are you tired?
yes she softly answers.
is there something you want to talk about? silence. change the question my mind offered again.
and the energy shifted.
what is it that causes human emotion to behave in certain ways. if you had the choice to be tired, sad, happy, excited, energized, jazzed, what would you choose?
now if you find yourself wanting to feel sad. accept that feeling. feel that emotion of sadness. sadness is an experience that is giving you a time to go within. why are you experiencing that sadness? it may be your ego answering back but truly embrace that feeling.
this sadness is not who you are. it may be the experience you are feeling in this moment. it may be the only thing on your mind, but it doesn't need to control you.
maybe you feel tired. if you are tired, go to bed. get some sleep. rest. your body is talking to you.
if you want something different out of your body, decide to take on that different belief.
i lived a long time always coming home from work feeling tired. i had a long day. i had a long drive. all i felt was tired. it became my routine. it became the pattern i adopted for myself. it made me miserable. i fell deeper into a quote unquote coma. i operated each day but wasn't ever present. i simply went through the motions. silently wasting my day, i dreaded having to do it again and again and again.
something needs to change. something needs to happen. this is not the life i envision for myself. i'm changing this behavior.
one night, it's 7pm, i'm alone, i've been awake since 4am, i decide enough is enough.
i'm sick of complaining about being tired. i'm sick of living this way. i want to learn. i want to read. i want to grow.
but how can i do that when i'm tired, it's not possible, my mind interjects.
quite the contrary.
anything is possible when you see life as an opportunity. and this opportunity presented herself to me powerfully as a lesson.
i am willing to change.
i get up. i move. i alter my state of being.
emotion is created by motion i remember tony robbins telling me.
i made a cup of green tea - the caffeine will physically wake me up. this is what i'm called to do today.
i make that cup of tea. i wake up. i read. and i feel energized. i no longer want to just lazily go to bed. i no longer want to just come home from work and sit around. that's just not me. i've got bigger plans.
day after day, i continue to take charge. that feeling has passed. my mind has taken on a new pattern. and i'm energized to serve.
take your life to the next level by accepting who you are today. forgive yourself of any past experience. forgive yourself for any blame and guilt that you have allowed into your being.
forgiveness is the key to awareness and awareness is your magic wand.
you have an immense power within you to be great.
when you throw a rock into a pond, a ripple effects occurs.
life answers the very same way.
so choose to continually throw rockets of desire into your mind, break your pattern of thought that is limiting you, and let that vibrational energy respond. it will thunder on.
each day is an opportunity to begin again. how will you choose to begin?
i woke up with a pounding headache. one of those pains that reverberates from your forehead encapsulating your eyes and shoots to the back of your head. back and forth the energy quickens and speeds up - hunger. hunger pains hit me hard.
relax and allow those feelings to pass my soul is with me now.
feed your body, give your body nourishment. your body is a wonder land of opportunity. always there for you whenever you call upon him. support your body with proper nutrition, rest, exercise, and love.
if you want to go somewhere, go there + know that life supports you. life loves you.
calling to my soul this morning, are you there? i'd like to channel you through me. are there other spirits there with you? they are free to come through as well. i'm beginning to recognize the incredible power i have when i ask for guidance.
and the creative juice flows.
love the gifts you share. you are becoming attuned to your higher life's purpose.
this is a very special moment. one that will never come again. feel each ounce of excitement.
smile bigger + brighter than ever before. know that your gifts are within you. discover them, open up to them, and breathe in that deep place of knowing. you are well on your way.
we're proud of you derek. last night, you made a grand leap of faith. you activated the energy from within. instead of empathizing with someone else's worries and fears and bringing them into your life. instead of taking them on as your own, you stood firm. you stood from the castle of awareness. you kept the moat all around you. you were the giant that could not be taken down. you were the giver of love. your passion to help came through loud and clear. did you sense it?
this gentle offering of service to another awakened the desire within you to create major breakthroughs in other peoples life - this is your calling. do you feel it? you are the next tony robbins and wayne dyer. your words flow with ease out of the depths of your soul.
continue to apply your wisdom. continue to read and write and implement. take action. take risks.
as i sit here, i'm at a crossroads.
and this is a strange for me. confusion.
is there something wrong with me?
am i really doing the right thing?
my soul reminds me, just ask.
immediately, my mind shouts back, NO! it won't work. don't do it. you will fail. you must work harder, fight more, and bear more pain.
no, no i don't, i finally admit to myself. you are an instrument for me to express my soul. i am not an instrument for you to manipulate any longer.
my soul backs me up, your mind will try to fight you when you try something new. you no longer need to let that thought that is created within your mind that was created from your past conditioning shape how you behave today in this moment.
you have an enormous power within you. you are meant for great things. and this is all part of your journey. it is all part of your understanding. when you see what others call problems as opportunities you shift. you shift your life to one of truth and abundance.
the choice is always yours.
you can choose to give up and feel unworthy, or you can stand up and embrace your divinity. your birthright. your passion.
your mind is a powerful tool. and with any powerful tool, you need to train it. you need to learn what works for you.
don't scold yourself. this is common and all part of your healing. you asked for guidance. and i'm here to give it to you.
your mind is programmed to behave a certain way. what you need to do is get at the root of that programming and change the program.
so i guide you to ask for guidance. ask for direction and be ready for the next breakthrough that is coming directly to you. be an instrument of love. flow with the natural rhythm of life and your world will unfold beautifully before your very eyes.
and then it hits me.
let art out + let love in.
yes! inspiration with meaning, channeled from my soul.
every day i am presented with choices to make. my mind always wanting to please others, i know which direction he tries to steer me. he wants to win at all costs. he wants to be right no matter what the fallout. he needs that approval.
man this is deeply rooted inside me.
i can feel my soul send shivers down my right arm, now my left. a chill encompasses my entire being. immediately i know what is important to me.
how can i express my love today?
love for myself, love for my twin flame, love for others, love for life.
i am a creature of habit but am breaking my ties. i no longer need to live the same way, everyday.
if something is not making me happy, i choose to get at the seed of that thought, remove it from my garden and plant a new seed.
i know i can. i have the tools the strength and the power to do so. i may need to weed my garden of my worries but when i do, my world answers me with bountiful blessings.
a case in point.
just over a year ago, i asked the girl of my dreams to marry me. we hiked to the top of her favorite peak (alone in a blizzard) where i dropped to one knee and expressed my love, my commitment, my excitement to share the rest of my life with her. and the best part, she eventually said yes - yes eventually, that's a side story i'll share at some point.
the joy running through my body right meow fills me with peace. it fills me with pure happiness again. to think about that moment that happened just over a year ago, i am immediately a little boy again full of youthful expression.
but before i was with her, i was alone. i was alone for many years. i was lonely. i wanted her in my life.
i dated many young and beautiful women. many only lasted a couple of dates. a couple were longer but eventually those relationships turned into better friendships. we knew we each had a different life we were meant to live. and so we moved on.
and it was hard. living years without anyone. by myself. i was attractive, funny, athletic, smart. where was she? and why haven't i found he yet, i agonized about it day after day.
i did something new to me. i called upon my angels to help me find her.
my soul reminds me, when you can live and trust that what you desire is coming back to you, you will be surprised at how quickly you see what you desire appearing in your life. and it will come to you when you are ready. no earlier, no later.
i practice visualizing my life with my future wife. i see us smiling. laughing. playing. traveling the world. helping millions. i imagine the adventures we take together, the experiences we share, the love.
i grin from ear to ear this morning seeing the complete verification of this tool in my life.
as i released my inner need to have this girl in my life, the universe guided me into her arms.
when you committed to trusting yourself, when you let go of that incessant attachment, + when you really felt the emotions of being with her, you aligned yourself with your next level of awareness. you freed your mind from worry. your expression of gratitude in this moment brought you more to be grateful for.
be one with your creator.
be one with your spirit.
bringing this awareness into my mind this morning of what i created, i am at peace. i feel AMAZING! i can do whatever i intend. all i need to do i ask my angels for guidance, put the power of intention to work and trust the universe will handle all the details.
I choose abundance for life.
i'm studying ways to grow, to improve my life, to be happy in every moment. i'm reading and applying the wisdom of the masters that came before me. our history is full of brave souls who have not feared the wrath of others. individuals who have dreams of bigger and brighter futures. they did not sit on the sidelines and let life happen to them. they went out there and played their own music - the music their souls were singing.
and i'm with them on this one! but how?
i make my way up the stairs after a full day at my 9-5. where does this energy come from to pursue my dreams? for so long now, i've used the excuse, I'm tired. and this excuse spirals into i've had a long day and all i want to do is just relax, eat some dinner, watch tv and go to bed.
my soul - closer to me now, reminds me, it all begins with awareness. when you can admit that you are using an excuse to guide your life, you unlock the first door to your awakening.
the moment you bring your awareness to this present moment, you see deeper than the outer layer. you discover what is really driving your soul.
television has been a way for me in my past to hide from my true being. i could surrender to the television every night, with a drink in hand and wash away the miseries of the day. i couldn't stand this life support that lay victim to. it is so engrained in us to veg out in front of the television every night for hours at end - just to go to bed and do it again?!?!
i know i've been victim to this epidemic for a long time.
as i learn who i am and what works for me, i notice it is a place where i can shelter myself. i can protect myself. i can stay the same.
when i stare at the box, i watch other people interact and grow. it saves me from having to do the hard work myself. i put my life on a permanent cycle of defeat and boredom.
but why do it any longer? what is the true meaning of life?
if i were to die tomorrow, the last thing on my bucket list is to sit at home and watch television. i am all about becoming the best i can be. i love who i am.
yes there are times, when i criticize my body, i scold myself, i tell myself hateful things, but I'm going beyond those times. it is time for me to change. it is time for me to be me.
i have an entire bucket list - well in my head right now, maybe today i'll write it down.
because what if tomorrow truly is my last day here on this earth. nobody knows for certain how long they are going to live. nobody knows when that day is. and nobody needs to know. but what i want to know is that i lived my life to the fullest each and every day doing what i love.
i am a genius and i apply my wisdom everyday. i use this affirmation every day the moment i wake up in the early morning hours. the magnificence that i know is me makes me smile.
my paintings are expressions of my soul. they are a time when i connect to my own inner magnificence and share that inspiration with you.
i have collectors from all over the world. i'm honored to be the artist they have chosen to create masterpieces. i put my heart, i put in my soul into every piece of work i produce.
more and more collectors are coming to me from out of the woodwork. they offer me projects that align with my purpose. i love the synchronicity of life. i love asking for guidance.
she answers me every time without fail, such a beautiful being of compassion. your patience has paid off. you no longer need to live in fear. you can let go of your insecurities. you are safe. you have all the money you need to live the life you dream. you are financially free.
wow, again, and so fast!
it's strange for me to say this, but i feel honored to have just experienced back to back reactions that triggered my limiting beliefs. progress in full force. i am making this happen.
almost immediately after my recovery from my last near immobilization, another fear surfaces with the communication of a loved one.
my mind is enthralled, jealously builds, and guilt forms inside my body. how the simple words of someone else's ascension into living their purpose and resigning from their 9-5 job provokes my mind to belittle me. my mind yells to my sensitive ears, you are not worthy, you are not good enough, you are afraid, you will never do it.
he continues to send tormenting phrases at me, they can do it but you can't.
my soul helps me turn down the volume of my mind. she reminds me, only you can let the feelings of others affect you. when you let yourself be controlled by them, you give up your power. know that you are exactly where you need to be. you are in the right place at the right time pursuing your highest purpose for the greater good. be well and affirm, i accept my past as conditioning for my future and i choose to live in harmony with my own magnificence.
my awareness during this bout surfaced much faster. and as it awakened, it erased all doubt from my mind.
i choose to forgive myself. i choose forgiveness in the face of jealousy.
i can't believe i'm sharing this with you. i'm afraid to admit my fears even to myself, but i know deep down this is what i must do in order to heal. i must release all fear.
i cried tonight.
it happened so quickly. it was out of the blue. it caught me off guard.
i noticed my body wanting to revert back to old ways. my body and my mind wanted to shrivel up and hide. my mind screamed inside my head. it hurt and scared me.
my mind wanted me to feel guilty. he wanted me to become immobilized. he wanted to show me he was in control whenever i am faced with a conflict with a loved one.
my mind switched back to old patterns instantly igniting my defensive actions. he started firing alerts out to all parts of my body, all cylinders went into overdrive, my voice loudened and quickened, my heart pounded against my chest cavity, my hands shook rapidly, i was losing control.
my soul whispered in my ear, quick, before you let you mind win, you have the power to change. you can change your thoughts. you can change your beliefs.
i don't want to live in fear anymore. i want to express the love that is me. i want to express my soul. i don't need the approval of others. it is safe for me to be me.
the tears streamed down my face as i recognized the pattern within me starting again.
no. i am willing to change. i must change. and this is my opportunity to begin.
a smile formed from my mouth as my body continued to shake. chills ran throughout me as my mind tried desperately to win by controlling my bodily actions.
my awareness of this sensation swiftly dissolves the "uncontrollable" movements.
crazy how much healing is happening.
this healing of myself really knows how to stir up some deeply rooted emotions inside me. it stirs up what i really need to work on - what i need healing for.
thank you for showing me the resistance that is still within me. thank you for giving me this opportunity to grow.
i breathe deep. i take a series of deep, slow, long breaths. i let my head, forehead and my face go heavy. i drop my shoulders and relax my abdomen. i allow my legs and feet to sink into the chair.
i release all tension. i release all anger. i release all fear. i release all sadness.
i am willing to let go. i am willing to change. i am safe and all is well.
i am going through a healing that i have been training for for a quite a long time. and i am finally ready. i am finally ready to heal. i am finally ready to grow.
this one goes out to my twin flame, my best friend, my adventure buddy, my lover, my wife, my little peach, my monkey.
i am so grateful to have you in my life.
you will not even begin to understand how long i have been searching for you. or maybe you will. maybe your soul has been searching for me.
but what i do know is, i was not willing to settle with anyone other than you. there is no woman, no girl, no lady more exquisite than you. no soul more magnificent than yours.
over every hill, across country lines, within each forest, and under every sea, i called for you. i sent out a beacon of love for you.
and i knew i had to find you before i could even think about moving onward on my journey, on our journey together.
we have traveled many lifetimes apart but the reuniting of our souls in this physical body is stronger than ever. our love sends rockets of radiance to all those around us. we are messengers of love, healers of light.
you are a gift in my life and there is no place i'd rather be than in your arms.
i may not always say thank you. i may not always agree with you. but know the togetherness i feel with you is one of unbounded love. it is unbending. and it will never break.
our love is beautiful and bright.
i love you more than words could ever describe.
i am immensely thankful that we have connected, that we are sharing our lives becoming what our souls are intended to be - and we are doing it TOGETHER.
you are my rock.
thank you for shining love in my life.
thank you for supporting me throughout this healing.
i am awakening to my inner intelligence and am releasing these hidden fears that i've buried deep within me.
my soul is awakening and communicating with me more and more.
before i met you i hid my anger and inner hatred. i smothered myself. i was a victim in my life. i was always looking for the approval of others. i needed it. i wasn't able to be me.
with you i realize i don't need to live that way anymore. i don't need to pretend any longer. i don't want to.
i am moving through this pain very quickly.
marrying you was the most joyful day of my life. it was a day when all my worries disappeared. all my fears were nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be felt, nowhere to be heard. it was a day of pure love, happiness, and freedom. it was our day. and what a day it was!
i thought for sure i was going to cry. but the sight of you strutting down that aisle to me on that most memorable day, our most glorious day this past october is forever engrained in my heart, in my mind and in my soul when our souls united to become one, all i could do was smile. it was happening.
you beamed a brilliant white light of love of happiness of life waving at everyone and telling them how beautiful they looked, yet you were the only one i saw. you looked so elegant in your backless dress.
the silliness, the laughter, the life we share is a dream come true. it has been a dream of mine since i was a little boy.
i longed for you way before i ever knew you.
so i'd like to take this moment, right now, to ask you for your hand again
it's time to dance the night away
what is it inside me that causes me to force my life? why do i feel i must have something a certain way in order to feel happy? why do i feel the need to always be right?
it's a constant nagging feeling when it comes to me. and i don't like it.
growing up a perfectionist, i thought being right was the only way. i thought being right would give me the life i want. i thought being right would give me the approval from others i so craved.
i thought, i thought, i thought.
and my thoughts that i continued to think over and over again became true for me. i was living a certain way based on the thoughts i knew.
for the longest time, i've been yearning for change. i've been wanting something different. so i did what i do best - i forced myself to run with blinders on. it was my way or no way.
but as i heal, i notice the questions i have been asking have been giving me the answers. i've been asking for guidance and ignoring the signals.
life has been answering ever since i started asking, i just haven't been paying attention. instead because i don't have what i want right now, i get mad. i get frustrated. i get filled with anger. it got to the point where i didn't care anymore. i did not feel. and i crumbled. my body started to fall apart. injury after injury plagued me. i'm still experiencing this pain in my left elbow and knee but am finally saying thank you, thank you for waking me up. thank you for sending me this awareness to grow.
i'm noticing more and more as i begin to heal.
and wouldn't you know, situations begin presenting themselves to me immediately. instantly engaged in conflict, my mind prepares to fight. the gloves are already on the floor. my mind racing, my intensity level rising.
i want to be right. why is it that the other person just doesn't get it? but my soul quietly guides me. i have a choice to make.
yes i could fight back and win. i could easily prove someone else wrong. but ultimately what am i looking for. what do i want in life?
would i rather be right and miserable the rest of my life or happy?
yes, i can succeed when i fight back but why work harder at doing something that doesn't come naturally to me. why push the emotions that nag at me aside? why continue to get mad at myself? why let someone else's behavior, words, and actions control me? is that really the true sign of success? or is it just a false belief that because someone else is wrong that it automatically makes me right? and because it makes me right, does that make me successful?
no, that logic is all wrong.
let go, my soul communicates. free yourself from the shackles that have held you down for so long. go within and feel the point of power you have in being in each of your present moments. realize you hold the key to unlocking these shackles.
too often you fight and alienate yourself from others. you get into a frenzy that is not you. you feel someone else is to blame. you feel someone else has caused you to feel this way. you feel it must be them that you need to please before you can be free.
that couldn't be farther from the truth. when you experience the joy that is deep within you, when you let go, when you sit quietly, you will know you are the gate keeper of your freedom, of your laughter, of all your successes.
but you must be willing and open to change. you must want to change.
and when you are ready, opportunities come. they surround you. they dance with you. they laugh with you.
life gives you more of what you give life. when you offer unconditional love, love answers no matter what. so smile, laugh and giggle at the simplicity of that statement and explore your creativity as you are guided to do.
i wonder where my soul comes up with this stuff, but let go of that need to understand.
the choice is simple for me now, i choose happiness.
waking up, it's 4am, and I'm super excited. weird, i know.
no not weird derek, just knew to you, my soul echoes through me. you are finally excited to be alive. it's been a long time since you have felt this way. you've been putting off experiencing your happiness for some future time when everything is going according to your plan. but you have made a huge step. you have shifted. you are excited about the day ahead. it's good to be excited. there are so many possibilities for you today especially when you come from a place of acceptance.
thank you, i silently offer back to my soul.
i've been asking for guidance more. guidance from within me. i've been asking for energy because i want to expand, i want to learn, i want to grow. and when i always feel tired, i am not giving myself the chance to change. but i'm open to hearing what my soul wants to share with me now. my soul is communicating directly with me.
and share with me she did. she gave me the power to start my mirror work - i just started the other day. i've known about this technique for years, but i've always laughed at the craziness of this approach. i told myself that's too easy it can't really work for me. probably because i was afraid of change. i was afraid that it would work. i was not ready for the transformation.
yet, something in me led me to the mirror the other night, and i looked deep into my big, blue eyes. i smiled for the first time in over a year when i looked at myself. bliss.
i said i love you, i am willing to change, i am willing to release all resistance. over and over and over i repeated these lines. each time with more and more excitement. my smile grew and grew until i couldn't stop smiling. by the end of my mirror work quote unquote session, i was beaming from ear to ear. i am ready to heal i told myself. thank you i offered to my soul.
i am willing to change.
i am willing to release all resistance now.
these are the affirmations i've been saying to myself for the past couple of days. not only saying to myself in my head but out loud in front of a mirror. when i look deeply into my eyes, i stare into a being, a soul that is so much more than my physical body.
for over a year, i've been abusing my body with hateful words and toxic substances. substances that are foreign to my body - a body that is meant to house love. i've wanted out of my physical body. i couldn't smile. i couldn't bear to see myself. i was hateful to my body.
i expressed hatred. i expressed anger. i expressed jealously.
i did this because i asked for it. everything was going so good for me. everything in my life was magically unfolding. yet i was still looking for the approval of others. i was anxiously awaiting their approval. yet their approval never came. and i caved. i shut down.
for a year, i've been saying bad things. i've experienced so much stored anger and frustration inside me. i needed to get it out of me. so i took it out on my body. i took it out on my mind. i took it out on my soul. hatred enveloped my being.
i hit rock bottom. i'm afraid to explain all the details.
my soul comforts me, that will come when you accept who you are. each experience you have is part of your beautiful journey that you signed up for when you came into this physical body.
you are a genius. you came from a place of non-being where all was perfect. you were unconditional. you were love. somewhere along the way - as you got older, you slowly forgot the essence of who you are.
you are about to experience a powerful reawakening as you engage in the joyful creation of your life.
the thoughts you think in this moment become true for you. and you only you hold the power of your thoughts. no words, actions, or emotions from others can penetrate your bubble. stand with a force field of white light. vision it surrounding you.
and suddenly, i felt that shift happen to me.
i belly laughed so hard last night, to a place where no sounds came out. i released all the hatred, jealously, frustration and fear. i freed the child within me!
my spirit is one of pure love. i have nothing but love for myself. approval of myself. acceptance of myself. to know that i have this unconditional love always within me, i smile. i am safe. all is well.
i am willing to change.
i imagine what it feels like to live in complete abundance, joy and love all day every day.
free from pain and suffering. free from the chains holding me back. free from the beliefs i have held onto for so many years.
today, i meditate again - before the sun shines her bright light upon me.
thoughts swarm in. coming from all directions. thoughts about work. thoughts about people. thoughts about email. thoughts about stress.
i become aware of the frustration brewing inside me as these thoughts come and take over my quiet time. but i remember to be easy on myself. i asked for a lesson. i asked for guidance. and my teachers have answered.
just because i grew up a perfectionist and that is what i know, does not mean that is how i need to respond in this moment. i choose to silently and as calmly as i can release all thought. to not let the thought create an emotion inside me that i do not want to experience. i can choose the thoughts which control my emotions.
i can let go. i can open up to my life. i can change in this moment. i no longer need to be restrained with guilt for not being right.
it's okay for me to be me. it's okay for me to make mistakes.
i reach deep within my heart for guidance - deeper than i have ever gone before. emotions surface, quickly my heart starts racing, beating faster and faster, fearful to let go. afraid of the backlash that i assume will rear it's ugly head, i wallow in my fears.
i push back, and my spirit answers...
yes, you were a perfectionist but this choice for perfection does not need to stay with you. it does not need to be you.
if you continue to demand perfection from others, you will continue to demand perfection from yourself, and you will be miserable the rest of your life.
your loneliness will grow and spread giving you more of what you don't want.
instead of going down this path any longer, choose to accept what is that is here for you now in this moment. learn from your mistakes, learn from the blessings that unfold as you allow yourself to be. be not afraid. there are no rules or laws that state you must keep all of your childhood beliefs.
now do not begin to hate yourself for feeling this way. do not criticize yourself for living with this emotion pain for so long. simply say thank you to your soul for helping you understand who you are. embrace the beauty that is within you and let all those other feelings melt away.
i know this is hard for you. and more emotions will surface as you begin this process. this is normal and to be expected.
coming back to, but i'm afraid of what others will think. I'm scared of what will happen if things are not perfect. it is this unknown that lurks deep behind the walls i've built so high.
soothing guidance is sent back to me, answering me. trust the process and adopt this new thought pattern, the past has no power over me because i am willing to learn and to change. i see the past as necessary to bring me to where i am today. i am willing to release my resistance to change. i accept who i am. i love and approve of myself. and i choose to have fun doing this. all is well.
what freedom i feel when i say these words. i repeat them over and over. and calmness lightens my being.
wow, i am filled with joy and love. thank you
now, i'd love to hear from you, does your past have any power over you? or if you've overcome your limiting beliefs, what worked for you?
remember, thousands of amazing souls come here for inspiration, strategies, and insight, and your words may be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now to inspire them to overcome their fears.
thank you, as always for reading and sharing your experience and insights with all of us. you are in an inspiration in my life.
i am love
P.S. if you know anyone who is struggling with their own limiting beliefs, please share my story. hearing my story could really, really help them.