by Derek Russell
Artist Remembers Why He is Here
New Hampshire based Artist Derek Russell Reveals the Truth & Remembers Why He is Here
Have you ever felt completely alive?
Where time ceases to exist?
This happened to me today, and I'd like to share my experience with you as you may be in a similar negative state of mind as I have been in for years now.
Mentally, I feel trapped. I'm struggling to cope with life. I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I've been living a lie. What is my purpose? Why am I doing this day in and day out? Is this what life after college is supposed to be like? Why did I even bother? All I do is work. My day is simple to recap: wake up, rush to work, labor all day, drive in my box for over an hour to get home, eat something quickly while I drown my sorrows with a glass of jager and coke, and pass out. All to do it again the next day. This is not healthy. And this is not who I am.
My life is meant to be fulfilling, exciting, and adventurous. I am meant to be creating and playing and exploring.
And so, I made a commitment to myself. It was time to re-focus my attention to my long forgotten passion I had for art. In high school, I loved art. I selected to participate in all the art classes available. I shared experiences outside of school where I continued to learn more about painting from real life models. It was something that made me feel good inside.
However, like most creative individuals, I didn't pursue my passion. Instead because I excelled in math and science, I decided to attend engineering school. (I did have foresight into why, but more on that in another post - I'll link you there once I write it). I stopped cold turkey - my art that is. I gave it all up. I put it on the back burner for years! I dabbled here and there throughout college. I questioned myself during college but was challenged that I only wanted to change majors because I couldn't handle engineering.
I digress...let me get away from the poor me mentality
I picked up an acrylic set of paints I had stored away since high school and started to paint.
I was drawn to wildlife. The raw purity of animals - no rules, no technical limitations.
And so I painted.
And the feeling I had while I painted: PURE BLISS. No one telling me what to do, whether I was right or wrong. JUST ME. And I felt the urge to ignore all the training I had and the analytical thoughts that I developed in my studies. So I did. And it pushed me to challenge myself mentally and emotionally. And I am so grateful. This is an amazing feeling, and I'm going to be doing more of this.
I hope you enjoy. I know I sure learned a lot :)